by Howie
Since I'm paying $4.99 per minute for this, you can at least learn how to do it filthier. I know your livelihood depends on keeping me on the phone as long as possible, and maybe I'll stick around afterward if you just get me off first. I probably won't. But, I might.
I'll definitely call you back if you can talk dirty enough to make me blush. So dirty it up, phone slut. If you can't get started, here's a helpful primer - and it'll help all you tongue-shy girls out there who can't ask their partners to fuck their virgin asses [or whatever (NOUN) you're into having (VERB)ed]. Note: For best results, nouns should probably be body parts.
HOW TO DIRTY TALK FOR WOMEN:
(PERSON'S NAME),
You make me so (ADJECTIVE). I've been (GERUND) my (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN) to a picture of your (NOUN) all day. My (NOUN) is so (ADVERB) (ADJECTIVE). I need your (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN) in my (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN). I want you to (VERB) me (ADVERB) until I (VERB). My (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN) is so (ADJECTIVE) for you. I can't (ADVERB) (VERB) until I have you in my (NOUN). Your (NOUN) is so (ADJECTIVE) and (ADJECTIVE) that thinking about (GERUND) it makes me want to (VERB) your (ADVERB) (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN). (EXPLETIVE)! (VERB) my (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN), before I (ADVERB) (VERB). (VERB) your (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN) in my (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN). I need your (NOUN). I'll (VERB) your (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN). (VERB) me!
(VERB) that (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN) and (VERB) your (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN) in my (EXPLETIVE) (NOUN) while I (VERB) your (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN) with my (ADVERB) (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN). I'm not going to stop until you (VERB) on my (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN).
Sincerely,
(NAME) the (ADJECTIVE) (NOUN)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You make me so HAPPY. I've been CRYING my LONELY EYES to a picture of your FACE all day. My LOVE is so WHOLLY PURE. I need your BEAUTIFUL SOUL in my LONELY LIFE. I want you to LOVE me SOLELY until I BURST. My WEEPING HEART is so HAPPY for you. I can't POSSIBLY BREATHE until I have you in my LIFE. Your LOVE is so BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING that thinking about HAVING it makes me want to MARRY your WHOLE, AMAZING FAMILY. WOW! BE my LOVELY WIFE, before I WOEFULLY DIE. PUT your GRACEFUL FINGER in my GOLDEN RING. I need your COMPANIONSHIP. I'll FATHER your AMAZING CHILDREN. MARRY me!
ReplyDeleteTAKE that DOLL-LIKE HAND and SLIP your DELICATE FINGER in my HOLY RING while I BLESS your GOLDEN BROW with my STICKY WHITE JIZZ. I'm not going to stop until you TAKE on my LAST NAME.
Sincerely,
COSMO the SENSITIVE GUY
TONY HAYWARD,
ReplyDeleteYou make me so ANGRY. I've been SHAKING my TINY FIST to a picture of your FACE all day. My COASTLINE is so HORRIBLY COATED. I need your HUGE AID in my EMPTY BANK ACCOUNT. I want you to PAY me QUICKLY until I RECOVER. My DYING LIVELIHOOD is so CRYING for you. I can't EASILY REST until I have you in my SIDE. Your MONEY is so ABUNDANT and AMPLE that thinking about SPENDING it makes me want to EMPTY your CALLOUSLY ILL-GOTTEN WEALTH. DAMN IT! CLEAN my POLLUTED SEA, before I FREAKING SUE. SCREW your STUPID BOTTOM-LINE. In my WRECKED ECOSYSTEM I need your MONEY, I'll SUE your SORRY ASS. COMPENSATE me!
TENDER that COPIOUS COMPENSATION and CLEAN your FILTHY MESS in my FUCKING COUNTRY while I SPEND your HUGE PILE OF CASH with my WELL TRAINED RECOVERY SPECALISTS. I'm not going to stop until you MAKE GOOD on my TRASHED OCEAN.
Sincerely,
GUS the GULF FISHERMAN